The Most Common FAQ 's for Swingers
1. What is swinging? Swinging is social and sometime sexual interaction between you and someone other than your significant other. Some call it recreational sex.
2. What's soft swinging? There are varying degrees of swinging these days. Hardcore swingers are those couples who actually have intercourse with other partners. Soft swingers do not. But that's oversimplifying it. There are also varying degrees of soft swinging as well. Some couples only fondle, but do not have oral sex. Some couples have oral sex but don't kiss others, etc. The boundaries that you set should be agreed upon by you both, and you are well within your rights to demand that others in the lifestyle respect those boundaries. However, if you do meet another couple that you really like, you should have a conversation with them about those boundaries so there aren't any surprises in the bedroom.
3. Do we HAVE to have intercourse? Absolutely not. As a couple you should set some boundaries that will keep your primary relationship safe from stress. If one of those boundaries is not to have sex, just be sure that you communicate this to other couples who may have different boundaries. Swinging is not just about sex. Although it is sometimes the result of friendship, the process does not include sex at all. According to Dr. Bob McGinley of LSO, "Swinging is an Attitude".
4. How do we meet other couples? You can answer an ad in a magazine, meet people online, post ads online, or go to clubs. Please be very careful when talking with people you've not met, especially online. You should remember that it's pretty easy to get discouraged if you meet people who aren't completely honest. Sometimes it's easier to go to a club, at least you can see what you're getting!
5. What about HIV? We all know that the AIDS virus is transmitted through body fluids. The only way to be sure you're safe is never to have sex at all! (and don't use IV drugs, etc.) However, we know that's not reality! If you agree to both use condoms, that will not eliminate the risk. It will help, but you need to also consider using dental dams, condoms, or saran wrap when having oral sex as well. (What if you have a cut in your mouth and you have oral sex with an infected person?) A lot of couples today are deciding not to have any intercourse with other people to be safer. It's a life and death decision that you're dealing with here, so don't belittle it. Some couples say that you have just as good a chance of being hit by a bus, and maybe they're right. However, why would you take a risk that you could avoid so simply? You are talking about your lives, you know.
6. Why no singles at your club? Our view of swinging is that it's a couple's lifestyle. In light of the recent filing of a lawsuit against a club for sexual discrimination, many clubs are no longer allowing any singles.
7. Is everyone gorgeous at the clubs? No! Most swingers are regular people, just like you. We all take very good care of ourselves, but the average age of lifestylers is 30-50ish. Our advice to you is this: we understand that you are concerned about how you look, but if you are considering swinging, make friends first. It's a lot more comfortable to be with your friends than just doing people you don't know.
8. Is swinging cheating? Isn't this an interesting question? Is it? What are your boundaries? And most importantly, what is your motivation for getting involved in this lifestyle? If you think this about open marriage or collecting boyfriends and girlfriends, then it is cheating. If you think that it's ok to be with other people without telling your other half, then it is cheating. The couples who have longevity in swinging are those that both agree to their rules and stick to them. If you think your partner is straying, talk about it!
9. What if I get jealous? Communicate! If you're jealous, it's usually because your significant other is doing more than you, or you feel threatened by a relationship they are having. If you discuss honestly the very thing that concerns or confuses you, s/he will be happy to listen and probably you will be able to alleviate the feeling by changing a rule or two. You need to remember that while your other half is having a great time, YOU are the one that s/he is in love with.
10. Should we tell others about our new lifestyle? That is completely up to you. However, the very people you think will understand, usually don't. This lifestyle is wonderful and you do feel like you should share your happiness, but a lot of society is shocked by our open attitude.
11. We're scared, but excited. How do we pick a place to go? Check out the local club listings on our website, or a very complete listing at www.nasca.com. Then make the phone call. Most clubs will want to speak to both of you right then, so be sure that you're available. Then ask questions of them. Ask them if there are rules about dressing down at a certain time, or if they allow singles. Ask if they have security, what the rule is about socializing vs.sex, if you're required to be married, etc.
12. What's the difference between off-premise clubs and on-premise clubs? Off premise clubs are held in a hall or a warehouse and are strictly for socializing. On premise clubs allow for socializing and partying to happen all in the same location.
13. What is open and closed swinging? Open swinging is a situation where all couples involved are interacting in the same room. Closed swinging is where couples split up and go to different rooms. The question is why would you pick one over the other. A lot of people think it would be easier not to see another person pleasuring your significant other. However, what if they needed you?
14. You've been swinging for over 20 years. What's the secret??? This sounds really silly, but here goes...baby steps. It makes more sense to take this lifestyle a little bit at a time and see how it fits within our boundaries. Some of it does, and some of it doesn't. If it works, we keep it. If it doesn't, we pitch it. And we test it with time. The biggest thing we've learned is that we need to communicate with each other, to tell each other what's wrong, or right, and most of all to reassure each other that we love each other.
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2. What's soft swinging? There are varying degrees of swinging these days. Hardcore swingers are those couples who actually have intercourse with other partners. Soft swingers do not. But that's oversimplifying it. There are also varying degrees of soft swinging as well. Some couples only fondle, but do not have oral sex. Some couples have oral sex but don't kiss others, etc. The boundaries that you set should be agreed upon by you both, and you are well within your rights to demand that others in the lifestyle respect those boundaries. However, if you do meet another couple that you really like, you should have a conversation with them about those boundaries so there aren't any surprises in the bedroom.
3. Do we HAVE to have intercourse? Absolutely not. As a couple you should set some boundaries that will keep your primary relationship safe from stress. If one of those boundaries is not to have sex, just be sure that you communicate this to other couples who may have different boundaries. Swinging is not just about sex. Although it is sometimes the result of friendship, the process does not include sex at all. According to Dr. Bob McGinley of LSO, "Swinging is an Attitude".
4. How do we meet other couples? You can answer an ad in a magazine, meet people online, post ads online, or go to clubs. Please be very careful when talking with people you've not met, especially online. You should remember that it's pretty easy to get discouraged if you meet people who aren't completely honest. Sometimes it's easier to go to a club, at least you can see what you're getting!
5. What about HIV? We all know that the AIDS virus is transmitted through body fluids. The only way to be sure you're safe is never to have sex at all! (and don't use IV drugs, etc.) However, we know that's not reality! If you agree to both use condoms, that will not eliminate the risk. It will help, but you need to also consider using dental dams, condoms, or saran wrap when having oral sex as well. (What if you have a cut in your mouth and you have oral sex with an infected person?) A lot of couples today are deciding not to have any intercourse with other people to be safer. It's a life and death decision that you're dealing with here, so don't belittle it. Some couples say that you have just as good a chance of being hit by a bus, and maybe they're right. However, why would you take a risk that you could avoid so simply? You are talking about your lives, you know.
6. Why no singles at your club? Our view of swinging is that it's a couple's lifestyle. In light of the recent filing of a lawsuit against a club for sexual discrimination, many clubs are no longer allowing any singles.
7. Is everyone gorgeous at the clubs? No! Most swingers are regular people, just like you. We all take very good care of ourselves, but the average age of lifestylers is 30-50ish. Our advice to you is this: we understand that you are concerned about how you look, but if you are considering swinging, make friends first. It's a lot more comfortable to be with your friends than just doing people you don't know.
8. Is swinging cheating? Isn't this an interesting question? Is it? What are your boundaries? And most importantly, what is your motivation for getting involved in this lifestyle? If you think this about open marriage or collecting boyfriends and girlfriends, then it is cheating. If you think that it's ok to be with other people without telling your other half, then it is cheating. The couples who have longevity in swinging are those that both agree to their rules and stick to them. If you think your partner is straying, talk about it!
9. What if I get jealous? Communicate! If you're jealous, it's usually because your significant other is doing more than you, or you feel threatened by a relationship they are having. If you discuss honestly the very thing that concerns or confuses you, s/he will be happy to listen and probably you will be able to alleviate the feeling by changing a rule or two. You need to remember that while your other half is having a great time, YOU are the one that s/he is in love with.
10. Should we tell others about our new lifestyle? That is completely up to you. However, the very people you think will understand, usually don't. This lifestyle is wonderful and you do feel like you should share your happiness, but a lot of society is shocked by our open attitude.
11. We're scared, but excited. How do we pick a place to go? Check out the local club listings on our website, or a very complete listing at www.nasca.com. Then make the phone call. Most clubs will want to speak to both of you right then, so be sure that you're available. Then ask questions of them. Ask them if there are rules about dressing down at a certain time, or if they allow singles. Ask if they have security, what the rule is about socializing vs.sex, if you're required to be married, etc.
12. What's the difference between off-premise clubs and on-premise clubs? Off premise clubs are held in a hall or a warehouse and are strictly for socializing. On premise clubs allow for socializing and partying to happen all in the same location.
13. What is open and closed swinging? Open swinging is a situation where all couples involved are interacting in the same room. Closed swinging is where couples split up and go to different rooms. The question is why would you pick one over the other. A lot of people think it would be easier not to see another person pleasuring your significant other. However, what if they needed you?
14. You've been swinging for over 20 years. What's the secret??? This sounds really silly, but here goes...baby steps. It makes more sense to take this lifestyle a little bit at a time and see how it fits within our boundaries. Some of it does, and some of it doesn't. If it works, we keep it. If it doesn't, we pitch it. And we test it with time. The biggest thing we've learned is that we need to communicate with each other, to tell each other what's wrong, or right, and most of all to reassure each other that we love each other.
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